Part 1
“OKCUPID?”
So it all started with this site called okcupid , for those of you that aren’t familiar with the wonderful world of computer dating okcuped is just that wonderful and unfamiliar, first you put your pic on the site so people know if your hot or not , so it helps to use certain angles as to hide any goiters or freakish scars, then after you have your pic up your offered the opportunity to write a little something about yourself ..... this is where it gets tricky, for me being 40 and single i wanted to avoid the typical, "long walks on the beach" , "hiking," and the rest, but therein lies the problem what do i say about myself that will attract the op sex , my first thought was to lie , but that seemed harder than just telling the truth.
I went with the truth, talked about living in a new city food shit like that. Then the best part of the dating game comes the Q, you answer 100 compatibility questions, they range from “how do you feel about sex on the first date” to “would you date someone that hates puppies”. So after you answer all these questions they find you people that are you match’s based on the q’s it look like this, you see their picture and next to it is you compatibility like 80% friend 10%enemy so the higher the percentage the more compatible you are then you rate them on a star scale 1 star for yuk and 5 for lets fuck! So when you rate someone like say 4 stars and they rate you the same the system will tell you both that you’ve found each other slightly less repulsive than the rest of the smucks , so that’s where this story starts I get this message saying hey we got 4 out of 4 lets go celebrate ! not knowing if this was from the person or the site I chose to ignore it, but in the mean time I decided to check out miss tickertakeparade, as she’s know in the dating world, and there it was the angles only a half profile and a long distance shot of her in some river somewhere pretending that she care about nature or something so I read her bio. This chick was funny! and no goiter as far as I could tell ,so it was on I said yes lets go out , she gave me her # and asked where I’d like to go, so we settled on a bar , I’m thinking it was so she could get hammered enough to deal with a blind date , it’s a good idea . So in my normal fashion I canceled at the last minute. Not because I didn’t want to go but life crept in and kicked me in the nut’s I’m not going to get in to it but It was a good reason, I told her sorry and she being a parade said well let’s try again , now I’m thinking desperate ! but I was so we tried again I text her on sat just happened to be the same day she was planning a big birthday blow out complete with limo….yes limo you people that have followed my older blogs will know my complete and utter distain for the LIMO GIRLS! You know who you are!
“DOT’S” was the bar we chose for our first date- and that’s where it all started the wonderful unfamiliar world of online love….
part2
the jimmy leg
or
the waiting game
Dot's is the kind of bar, I like , a bit elitism mixed with an absolute lack of self esteem wile staying just dark enough not to see past your glass, that's where we meet for the first time. i was hanging with a friend down town, keeping a strong eye on the time, and these days not having a phone puts a difficult twist on it but this town has many clocks, 5:45 pm , Lot's of time . this is the point that Sean (My walking around friend) and I started talking about what kind of total freak this girl was going to be, " you know Kelly I've read that these dating sites are the only real place any more where chicks with dick can feel comfortable in dating, how do you feel about that?" Sean's always spitting out elusive gender facts, after an hour and a half of it , we approach Burnside bridge.
"Boy risks walk across Burnside bridge , in search of outgoing girl!"
So I got there a Little early ( as to A: make up for not showing up for our first attempt. B: to make sure I know where all the exits are . ) as I sat I thought more about our earlier texts and the whole birthday limo thing , and started the realize that maybe my limo aversions where just some sort of jealousy, there for fun , and maybe I was missing out " yeah I'm sure I could have fun being a bimbo that takes all his douche bag Friend around in a limo for bad racial joke's and jello shot's." any way i decided to have a drink "PBR" the waitress was this half Blondie half hipster waif that was reading a text, while taking inventory of her 3top behind me, she seemed good at her job. started wondering if my date would be this put together. Is it just me or do all men in this type of situation use the stimuli around them aka other woman , in this case at the bar hoping that she looks like that or man i hope her as isn't as big as that girls, wondering if they are all here doing what I'm doing, and what half of us would leave feeling victorious in our mating rituals, after a half hour of waiting it was know 10 Min's after our agreed meeting time , " was he there?" i couldn't tell everyone seemed to be looking around them for the same thing at least in my head they where. up comes my blond tender I ask her for another drink, and if she's seen a woman that looks like she's waiting for a bind date? she just cocked her head and said , "NOPE". That's when I saw that dark cropped curls peeking around the corner and i thought it was a good thing her profile pic was an angle , because that's all I see.
"The approach"
Easing up from my stool , I could feel my heart racing, It had been awhile for me and my palms started to itch, I could see her face clearly now she was beautiful not at all what i expected now i thought i should just turn around before we make eye contact , she was out of my league, only two choices now ' just walk up to her, look her up and down and say, ' " You, me, out back 5mins , you know you want this" or just "Hey? parade?" I'll leave it up to the reader to figure out witch it was ...what a smile like a true modern women she stood up to greet me with a hug , the first of many I'd hoped. now it could all fall apart with step two, " THE SMALL TALK."
PART 3
"SMALL TALK"
The pabst mossas kept flowing and surprising to me so was the conversation, talk of kid’s trips to Japan and most of our lives up to this point, I really liked this one she was funny and sexy best of both, just as my ass started to get the bench itch she say’s “wanna play pool” sexier words were never spoken, we got up and made our way to the pool room.
She had no idea what she was in for my alcohol level was running smooth, and secretly I couldn’t wait to see her bend across the table. Game one ,,,, I lost, shocked now I felt this girl was holding back perhaps she was a shark meeting suckers online and getting them drunk and with a sexy giggle, “ Hey let make it fun say $2 a game ?” but that thought was short lived as I kicked her jean covered ass for the next 5 games , it was at that point in the night ( both feeling the beer coarse threw our body’s) that she asked the question that I’d wanted to ask all night , “Hey ummm can I hug you?” she said with her laser beam eyes locked to mine, and my reply was short “YES” I said , then the embrace , it was sweet and long her neck level with my chin my lips inches away from her skin it was hard not to kiss her . Scrabble a game for the intellectual a game I loved , was hers favorite game as well , it was like everything we brought up was a shared love , I wanted her by game 8 not in a walk on the beach sort of way ether I want her hard . well after a couple more games I think we were wearing down the dot’s vibe , we talked about going to another bar , or a walk or anything I think that got us alone for just a moment I felt it and I think she did to , she said or “I can take you to a cool place outside we can get some forty’s and go if you want?” play it cool I thought don’t give away your junior high lust just yet . “ yeah that sounds cool lets do it , we went up to the bar to cash out , of course they didn’t take cards so I was kind of screwed when she did another awesome thing she got the bill and asked me to get the 40’s , man this girl was it !
She had no idea what she was in for my alcohol level was running smooth, and secretly I couldn’t wait to see her bend across the table. Game one ,,,, I lost, shocked now I felt this girl was holding back perhaps she was a shark meeting suckers online and getting them drunk and with a sexy giggle, “ Hey let make it fun say $2 a game ?” but that thought was short lived as I kicked her jean covered ass for the next 5 games , it was at that point in the night ( both feeling the beer coarse threw our body’s) that she asked the question that I’d wanted to ask all night , “Hey ummm can I hug you?” she said with her laser beam eyes locked to mine, and my reply was short “YES” I said , then the embrace , it was sweet and long her neck level with my chin my lips inches away from her skin it was hard not to kiss her . Scrabble a game for the intellectual a game I loved , was hers favorite game as well , it was like everything we brought up was a shared love , I wanted her by game 8 not in a walk on the beach sort of way ether I want her hard . well after a couple more games I think we were wearing down the dot’s vibe , we talked about going to another bar , or a walk or anything I think that got us alone for just a moment I felt it and I think she did to , she said or “I can take you to a cool place outside we can get some forty’s and go if you want?” play it cool I thought don’t give away your junior high lust just yet . “ yeah that sounds cool lets do it , we went up to the bar to cash out , of course they didn’t take cards so I was kind of screwed when she did another awesome thing she got the bill and asked me to get the 40’s , man this girl was it !
PART 3
"GAME DAY'S"
Both of us a little drunk at this point, we made our way to her car a small black Honda
I had no idea where we were going but I didn’t care I just wanted to kiss her like mad
After twisting around Portland after dark we made it to the beer store at the base of the small mountain she was taking me to, we settled on “Game Day” if you don’t know it don’t worry your not missing much it’s the beer you see clutched in a passed out drunks arms in an ally some ware, so of course I loved it! But hears the fun part in all our talking and shuffling at the bar I left my wallet so now she must think im a real winner, but in the same fashion she was cool she got the beers and we drove back to the bar across town got my wallet and I was sure that would be the end of our night, but no we kept going. I didn’t know what to think of her, part of me thought she was the kind of girl that couldn’t end a date with out getting laid (I hoped) or just the coolest part girl ive ever met. Now again after a long drive up a mountain we found our selves at the top it was cold and beautiful we were on top of the world with our game days in toot we found the summit , still and quite not much cloud cover a bit windy but breath taking none the less.
On top of the world there was a power station pole reaching to the heavens , a lonely silo and a stone path leading to a large stone floor with a 2 ft wall around it in the center of the stone floor was a small brass dot, “ Kelly come here and stand on this dot and say something.” I walked over to her and stood there wanting another hug , and I said “ What do I say” and the words came back to me on the wind, it was an echoes dot , firkin cool as hell! If you stepped just off ti to the left or to the right you lost the sound it was just in that spot the center of the world , we stood there for what seemed like forever and im not sure how it happened but we where kissing , her lips where warm and wet , I was lost in them for what seemed like for ever , we would sip our beer kiss and rub each others backs hard and soft , we didn’t talk we just absorbed each other for ever on top of the world , I never wanted to leave that place or her , and some ware around 3 or 4 im guessing things got heavy on that 2 ft wall, lets just say “ didn’t have sexual relations with that woman” for what ever that’s worth but I will say that she did do something for me one else has ever been able to do …. I’m saying to much… but anyway we left the summit on our way back to my hotel , I was thinking of what to say to get her to stay the night but my daughter and her friend where in the room , and the thing I wanted needed at least 5 hours of complete alone time……we parked out side the hotel , there we talked like we had been together for years she gave me a piece of paper and said make a list of all the thing we can do together , it was like as dream I want to spent every second with her, but then it got better. She began to tell me why she held back on going all the way, “if we did it I would want to stop I would need it all the time.” Sadly she has know idea about my sex drive, it has no end im like a hungry lion all the time its all I think about, it an obsession
I said “me to”. “no you don’t get it ALL THE TIME” she said again, “yeah I get me to” was my reply, I loved this person this person I hardly know but, also I haven’t slept now in 48 hours it was hitting me hard, I kept falling asleep on her and I knew I had to go, tomorrow was turkey day and she had plans with her best friend, but she wanted to see me after, I was in heaven.
I had no idea where we were going but I didn’t care I just wanted to kiss her like mad
After twisting around Portland after dark we made it to the beer store at the base of the small mountain she was taking me to, we settled on “Game Day” if you don’t know it don’t worry your not missing much it’s the beer you see clutched in a passed out drunks arms in an ally some ware, so of course I loved it! But hears the fun part in all our talking and shuffling at the bar I left my wallet so now she must think im a real winner, but in the same fashion she was cool she got the beers and we drove back to the bar across town got my wallet and I was sure that would be the end of our night, but no we kept going. I didn’t know what to think of her, part of me thought she was the kind of girl that couldn’t end a date with out getting laid (I hoped) or just the coolest part girl ive ever met. Now again after a long drive up a mountain we found our selves at the top it was cold and beautiful we were on top of the world with our game days in toot we found the summit , still and quite not much cloud cover a bit windy but breath taking none the less.
On top of the world there was a power station pole reaching to the heavens , a lonely silo and a stone path leading to a large stone floor with a 2 ft wall around it in the center of the stone floor was a small brass dot, “ Kelly come here and stand on this dot and say something.” I walked over to her and stood there wanting another hug , and I said “ What do I say” and the words came back to me on the wind, it was an echoes dot , firkin cool as hell! If you stepped just off ti to the left or to the right you lost the sound it was just in that spot the center of the world , we stood there for what seemed like forever and im not sure how it happened but we where kissing , her lips where warm and wet , I was lost in them for what seemed like for ever , we would sip our beer kiss and rub each others backs hard and soft , we didn’t talk we just absorbed each other for ever on top of the world , I never wanted to leave that place or her , and some ware around 3 or 4 im guessing things got heavy on that 2 ft wall, lets just say “ didn’t have sexual relations with that woman” for what ever that’s worth but I will say that she did do something for me one else has ever been able to do …. I’m saying to much… but anyway we left the summit on our way back to my hotel , I was thinking of what to say to get her to stay the night but my daughter and her friend where in the room , and the thing I wanted needed at least 5 hours of complete alone time……we parked out side the hotel , there we talked like we had been together for years she gave me a piece of paper and said make a list of all the thing we can do together , it was like as dream I want to spent every second with her, but then it got better. She began to tell me why she held back on going all the way, “if we did it I would want to stop I would need it all the time.” Sadly she has know idea about my sex drive, it has no end im like a hungry lion all the time its all I think about, it an obsession
I said “me to”. “no you don’t get it ALL THE TIME” she said again, “yeah I get me to” was my reply, I loved this person this person I hardly know but, also I haven’t slept now in 48 hours it was hitting me hard, I kept falling asleep on her and I knew I had to go, tomorrow was turkey day and she had plans with her best friend, but she wanted to see me after, I was in heaven.
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